First Birthday

First Birthday
Mommy + "The Girls"

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Out of Steam

We are still here, still married and in the same house (mind you it has been improved considerably since the last post), with the same Chicanos, you get my drift..........
I have simply RUN OUT OF STEAM....................SURPRISED????? Probably not, the trip to Ottawa was the beginning of the downward spiral...........exhaustion has set in I need to take a vacay from life in general. Things are piling up and am already getting butterflies in my stomach thinking about going back to work in 2 weeks. When we received S + A on December 4th, 2005 I emerged myself in my new mommy "job" completely and without abandon, and lost a piece of myself in the process. I rationalized that I was okay with everything since I had waited sooooo long for these 2 gifts of life. I was fooling myself and everyone else around me....my life BK was a certain way because I LIKED it that way..........I know I can't change everything back but I am trying to get some of it back. I am re-entering the work force after a 2 year hiatus into a grade I have NEVER taught before and I am nervous yet excited at the same time. I know this may sound strange but I am also feeling sad...............
S + A have their new Dora backpacks ready for "school", please don't call it daycare......(another topic for another day). The girls did swimmingly at their first couple "trial" runs at "school". Mommy and Daddy shed the customary tears.................but the girls thrived and we are thrilled with their progress.
I have so many things that I want to do before I return to my life as it once was...........I don't know where to begin...........I am scared and anxious and nervous and sad.......................
Paralysis of emotions???? Please send me some lovin' this way.....

10 comments:

secret agent said...

Big love and Big Congrats I am sending to you.
I have noticed your absence.
The best thing you can do for your girls is create the happiest life possible for you and them
never lose sight of yourself.
I'm happy for you.
xxxxx

kerri said...

((HUGS))
Congrats!!
You are going to be great, you do what you have to do for you.
Your kids will be fine if there Mommy is happy.
I missed your absence, glad you have returned.

Boeffie, Mei Mei, Gwenda & Laurisse said...

Hugs and best wishes!
There will be some adjustments again but you'll do great.

crazylady said...

Winds are blowing change. It'll be good to clear the head. The ears allow good passage through. Kidding.

This is our life. Change and transition x 2.
Twice the fun, twice the sorrow.
Hang in there. You're tough. I've seen your pipes.

nikki said...

Hey Diana! It is great to hear from you...you've been missed.
I think it is wonderful that you are starting back in the work force...especially if you were feeling a void. Teaching is a wonderful vocation for moms - I have thought of doing that myself on more than one occasion. Your girls will be fabulous in school and you will be a happier mom with all of your 'self' intact.
Good for you!
Congratulations...which grade will you be teaching??

redmaryjanes said...

Sweetheart, I send you a huge hug. I want you to know that I am a great working Mom. I meet all of my children's needs and enjoy my full time job. There is no need for you to feel sad about going back to work. The girls are at an age where they will greatly enjoy and benefit interacting with other children and developing their own individual identities and growing in new ways while they are at 'school'. I wish you every happiness. Allow yourself to be happy. You are a great person and mother.

Beverly said...

Everyone needs change. Maybe this will give you the time to truly enjoy your girls and yourself more. Glad to know the babes liked school.

You will survive!!

Beverly

theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

Ummm, have you noticed I've been stalking your purdy little ass looking for remnants of you or the twinkies.... Yeah, I've been missing you..... Glad you're back.

Ms. Dragonfly said...

your sadness is not strange, it is expected in times of change. Letting go and moving ofrward can be bittersweet.
but I'm cheering for you and your sweet sink washing girls.

Cindy from central NC said...

Big hugs to you, Diana. I so completely understand why you want...and...need for you....to go back into the outside workforce. When we got Sammi and Nicki last November, I only stayed home until March and now I'm back full-time. I love my career...it works for me...and it's a huge part of my identify. You'll do great and you'll adjust your new worklife schedule to your family's and everyone will be even better cause it sounds like this is something you really want to do.
Good luck! :)
cindy